Autreat2011

 

Introduction/Definition/etc Body What'sThat? GettingThere SignIn Badges Orientation Special Interests Seating Lectures SomethingParticipatory OMGTheirBreeding TraditionalMeatEatingOuting TownHanging Conclusion Discussion Page History Page Statistics Page Views:  since creating on 20110813

 

Introduction/Definition/etc

 

 

I guess you have to experience it,

my experience, or some parts of it,

are on the title link above...

 

 

Body

 

What'sThat?

 

Autreat is a peer run retreat for autistics, by autistics, or so it says in the brochure...

 

 

GettingThere

 

It's in a remote area of Pennsylvania,

while last year at University of Pittsburgh Bradford.

 

SignIn

 

You can't just walk in to Autreat, you must preregister, a limitation

I find annoying, but there must be some reasons, space planning,

identity checks, and maybe some entering the twilight zone that

is going to an autistic space...

 

Autistics are already in that space, so I'm not sure how that differs,

but maybe I'm not autistic, as I assume I'm Asperger's, though

don't have a formal diagnosis to prove it...

 

 

There is a category called Autistic Cousins which I've not pinned

down something I understand about it... Though some have tried

explaining it, I'm still at a loss.  Definition probably includes a friend

of Autistics, but with Frenemy, (appearing friend but really enemy behaviors

or similar) it's so hard to tell...  So more anxiety of will I fit in,

given the past, and well the dread of the present and future...

 

But seemingly welcomed at registration, I hugged a few people,

opening my arms, women largely invited into hug, doing so

if they wished, not if they didn't (given we hugged at the end of

last year, I don't think I pressured anyone) and a good

start to getting back with people I liked from last year...

Others, guy's, it was a hand shake, later hearing Don't Do That,

Don't Hug, Don't HandShake, though my friends, didn't say anything

bad about it (and contact me offline if it bothered anyone I did it with),

I know it's generally not a good thing, most unknown

to me people would not like it, for me it's a bit of an inside joke...

Doing NT (NeuroTypical behaviors) as if I'm teaching mainstream

behavior, though that is frowned upon and would be Curebie

(change Autistics to normals, why do that? Can't you Accept

Me for Who I Am?...)...

 

 

Badges

 

Communication with Autistics is interesting, and they have devised,

or borrowed from somewhere else, a system of colored badges,

with shapes for the color blind, something I still don't fully understand,

but experienced last year.... 

(see Autreat2010PoorPitifulMeAndTheTreatmentsIRantOn

or AutieCultureAndReentryIntoNormalSociety

for another description, the original one is probably better)

 

Green for OK to Approach and attempt to communicate,

likely not able to reach out and want others to do it for me...

 

Yellow for only of I know you, which was my default choice,

not sure how many bothered to really read it,

including the lady who tried taking the microphone

from me during the town hall meeting

and later someone telling me what to do in the halls

after I'd left the space,

and

 

Red, leave me the F*** Alone, which I later used,

in the aftermath.. Further dreading going into the halls

and seeing people, and wouldn't you know it,

two people I don't want to see are there when I need

to get out...  But at least one organizer respected the badge,

the other I don't recall when I flipped it Red...

 

 

Orientation

 

I've gotten way ahead of myself, in this description

of my experience at Autreat2011...

 

This earliest session was an hour of here are the rules,

live by them, or you will be asked to leave. 

 

Some of them, nay, most of them I found offensive,

like someone doesn't get to tell me how to live,

how to behave, what to do, who to be,

much less some thing that proports to be Autistic Space,

but seems to negate everything about being Autistic...

 

The interpretation of the rules was more like a threat to me,

personally, from the presenter, a Planning Committee member,

of here is how we are going to get rid of you, just you wait...

 

Among some of the questionable interpretations were:

 

Only share it with friends (like autistics/ Aspie/ Aspergians have friends...)

 

No perfumes/ scents but kicked out for smelling, Like You,

not everyone can find personal hygiene things unscented,

that they themselves aren't allergic too, and the stink of snobbery/ hatred,

is worse, IMO.

 

You can take a photo of people with No Photo Badges/ Scarlet Letter

(I called it that) and someone made them florescent pink,

as could not see it, the normal black badge is harder to see,

but the pink is gaudy (I'm rarely using that word, a typical

gay sounding phraseology, and there are many parallels

to Gay Lesbian Transgender, Queer, etc communities,

(I'm not part of that community, but not a basher/ hater either)

and well the Deaf community too (a very long time ago,

I lived in Deaf Dorms at a deaf school, and have lost some hearing,

but not fully Deaf). 

Clapping the NT Social Norm, is frowned upon,

and takes the Hand Waving in the Air

as quiet appreciation of the talks, or a sign of agreement

(rare usage, but did happen at Autreaat, IIRC)

 

Special Interests

 

One of the interesting developments, I don't know if it's

unique to Autreat, but the first time I'd experienced it was last year,

probably see

Autreat2010PoorPitifulMeAndTheTreatmentsIRantOn

and AutismLinks for some other positive comments about it...

 

People get together the first night, after check in,

settling in to rooms, getting some food in them,

learning the dining ways, and

then go display something about their "Special Interest"

something they like/ obsess about/ perseverate on,

or generally gifted and good at, mine last year, a very weak,

bicycle wheel dynohub, some discussion of electronics ideas

and plans, an OLPC XO (One Laptop Per Child, http://wiki.laptop.org

and some actually electronics (an Arduino.cc http://arduino.cc

??) where I was approached and asked to be interviewed,

later learning it was against the rules, and possibly outing the offender,

but not until I'd gotten home and thought about it,

much like this post processing, most of it is delayed,

the on the feet reactions are muted... 

 

I'm not really thinking about stuff until I sit down and journal it like this...

Sharing it makes it possible for interpretations from others,

a little like Forest Gump's the place you are looking for is just around the corner,

Forest, just walk there, don't take the bus... type stuff).  The missing link,

is easy to see for others, especially Normal people, so sharing it,

seems the thing to do...

 

(BTW, I've built (assembled) the wheel, with lots of help,

the dynohub from last year, ( see BikeTechWheelBuilding

for the second one, more by myself, but currently stalled)

and used the original, for a long time, had it and some bike tools and other

stuff with me, but just went to bed, so tired from the process of getting

there, up really early, nervous/ anxious about all the other stuff,

missing some of the good stuffs)...

 

 

Seating

 

I go to great lengths to set up a space that will work for me,

a comfortable chair, in a space I can see some of the projector

board, the big chairs are all out back, 5 or so rows back,

and I'm well, in the braille section, up front, so lest I be excluded,

further, getting nothing at all out of lecture, I'm setting up a space for myself...

 

Later, to find someone else thought it was nice and took it,

I asked the first person to move, and she and service animal were

nice enough to do that...

 

 

Lectures

 

First of all, I've got to say, I'm not one for lectures...

Lab, maybe, at least you can be doing stuff...

But reading the instructions is always troublesome for a dyslexic like me...

 

Typically, lectures are One Way communication,

We Know Everything, and let me Profess It To You,

ad nausium, while you sit there, can't move around,

and take it...  And Shut Up, Or Not...

 

Little Professors, (what Asperger's/ People With are typically like and called)

tend to do that, go on and on about something you generally are not interested

in hearing about (hence just about everything on this site...)

as I was called one in science class, and well just might be,

but didn't grow up to be a Big Professor, like my parents,

both Ph.D.s, some of who's works you might recognize

or recall, and had taught earlier in their careers...)

 

 

SomethingParticipatory

 

Of the 12 or so lectures/ group formal events, the evenings are more

UnConference discussion topics, but I missed all of them, discussion topics,

going to bed exhausted instead, even one I might have tried to schedule

and fill in for a missing Planning Committee person about putting stuff out

to the world about Autism, maybe Advocacy?

 

But I didn't get my slides presented at another group (in that files section,

can't find it from my previous computers, and partitions, etc)

asked it be sent to me, from people who still had group access,

and work shifts ($20? rebates for helping run the conference)

were only for those on Vegan meal plan, and I could not afford meal plan,

had cost cut that out, a private room more important, buying food from the next

months money was a possible way to get there this year, you see I was

putting everything I had in one basket, just to get there,

financially and emotionally, with GoodbyeCruelWorld2011

and other conflicts, socially...

 

Financially, with a rental car, in the next month's at great personal expense,

when I wanted to bicycle there (even more expensive), but kept it below the radar,

as it's momentously difficult to pack and bike 325 or so miles

to a conference in a remote area (did it to a training once in Front Royal,

and again to Cumberland, both Mental Health related), the route planning and

preparations are enormous (or at least how I do it, obsessing of finding

a good/ safe route to bike, most interstates and direct routes aren't bike friendly,

the scenic routes go 2x the distance or more...), and I had

a required annual housing meeting cutting that time too short,

BicycleFilmFestival2011  the weekend just a day or two before,

we had high or another heat wave weather and I couldn't do it.

Shame on me...

 

 

OMGTheirBreeding

 

A dance was created at this year's Autreat,

and Full Disclosure, I'm one of the people who pushed for it's development,

lest I be completely forgotten, and ignored and was used as a negative example,

of how not to do things, complaining is frowned upon, and well depressives

and some advocates, that's about all we do, so unhappy campers not welcome?

 

I was hoping that it would be a good experience,

where some would have experienced it for the first time,

most high school dances are like Carrie, the Stephen King horror movie...

 

And some of us from that generation, the social situation surrounding Prom

is like that... I've only been to one Prom, a junior high school one,

IIRC, and before moving one time, and skipped the later real one,

not even sure when it was, maybe blocking it from my mind,

maybe I did ask one girl for senior prom, but it didn't happen...

 

I probably got mocked, laughed at, maybe to my face,

though she seemed nice enough to ask in the first place,

and/or behind my back, girl to girl, or something,

the usually Polite Society way of saying you're not one of us... 

 

For me, it was mentioned something about a country club,

which I was not a member of, you see I generally aim high

or unavailable, it's easier that way, totally full of rejections ;-)

 

 

TraditionalMeatEatingOuting

 

I was informed of this tradition, while sitting around

the lounge area, uncharacteristic of me to just lounge,

I normally pace a lot, spinning circles around the space

at such a pace, you might think I was on the Wrong Planet

trying to get off, or just reverse the spin of This Planet,

puns intended, other implications probably denied ;-)

 

So I sit and wait, or people watch, in this case,

waiting for something, I don't know what, I'm not on meal

plan and had done several meals over a couple days

at that point, running to go alone in my room,

luckily with a fridge and a microwave, by design, but the sink

is shared with the bathroom sink, so a little unsanitary, IMO...

 

And Hard Water, what ever that is, causes your soap

to feel like oil instead of soft and sudsy, and later discover,

drinking  Hard Water, might be best we are to use the water fountain

down the hall, no signs on faucets and had done it for day or

so before it was announced...  Don't Drink The Water?

What Are We In Mexico?'

 

I'm eating mostly almond butter, peanut butter and jam,

on special breads I brought and some I found,

and whatever else I had and found late the first night,

turns out the grocery options are a Giant Eagle,

like Giant, but not, and Walmart (open all night,

not known for food, healthy anyways, but some are stocking

some food now)...

 

And a Farmers Market, closed on Monday, and at night...

 

Experienced lots of other local resources, buses,

shopping, sightseeing, events, etc...

 

I might eventually get some of those up,

depends on how it goes...

 

 

Anyway, tradition, from a surprising source,

is that given the vegan menu imposed upon people

by The Administration, in full coercion by the

informal Planning Committee and whatever organizational

structure actually exists, less than a formal incorporated Board

of Directors, AFAICT, but less than the totalitarian regime

it sometimes seems like to me.  It was a mystery last year,

and learning a little online and non transparently,

still don't understand the structure, though I'm suspecting

it's Friends of _., and Only Friends Of _, the leader.

You see democracy hasn't really reached Autreat yet...

 

 

So I'm invited / asked to go, by someone I know,

and some I don't know well, I say I'm driving myself,

as I think I might not like OpenTrough eating,

as I called it in BambisOutToGetMeAndSnakesInTheStore2011

and really did barf at VOCAL2011, not sure why,

someone apologized, but kind of food service shy,

more like a whipped dog, backing way, needing food to live,

but been hurt bad by it, (later analogy to Aversives,

mentioned by MJCarley of GRASP fame in his Columbia

honors acceptance speech video...)

even with last years' Autreat food experience,

not barfing, but not feeling well/ sick from the foods,

likely the variety and oddity of the foods,

disliking the attitude of the woman taking our meal cards,

a snickering of we are doing something to you,

perhaps sneaking meat into your foods while they should have been vegan,

according to the plan...

 

I'm guessing my issues were partially the content or preparation,

which I was outspoken about, and maybe led to the move this year

to another site, more friendly to Autistics, and for their own reasons

the veganists' preparations...

 

I Leave Traditional Outing buffet, after several plates,

an overeating problem, and much more meat than I usually eat,

more of some stuff that I should have,

I do do a toast to the founder, lifting a plate of salad to the dismay

of someone with a plate of meat, only meat,...

 

I leave early to get there early/ on time, instead of late, and well,

my prepared lecture seat is taken, and I'm nervous, I'm not sure how

to ask for it back, and well, it's clearly a sign that things are going to go bad

to worse...

 

And I don't even know the person sitting there, no name,

no face recognition, No Badge to check, so no clue...

Either direction really...

 

 

TownHanging

 

A town hall meeting, set up to discuss/ decide on the Privacy

Policy for Autreat, given offenses last year by someone(s)

bringing video equipment and interviewing people, seemingly blessed

by the Planning Committee, then turns out to be soliciting interviewees

against Policy, and end up selling it to Aut$peaks...

I've not seen it, so maybe need to find it, and prepare to BARF...

 

So, another case in point, was researchers and media,

part of the Privacy Policy,

which I might loosely fall under media...

 

I've explained I'm a Hack, not a Journalist,

really this is my assistive communication device, typing stuff

after the fact, processing it for myself, sharing it to others,

mostly friends, but not requiring email to name all of them,

and others, non friends probably look in on this, maybe even enemies

I can't tell by the counts of page hits, mostly very few,

it surprises me the counts on some of these pages,

I occasionally email out a link to groups I'm involved with,

and well boom, some count jumps... Not why I do it, but what has

been happening... Other pages, the counter is not working,

and doesn't seem to move / tick at all, even when I view the pages,

edit them, (one of my accommodations is using a wiki,

so that I can clean up stuff, change it after the fact,

and well, the original is still available, source code revision,

versioning is built behind a wiki, to show all the changes, if requested.)

 

Typically for me this is names, and some typos,

you see English and normal writing syntax is a mystery to me,

a stream of words, sometimes more Word Salady

stream of consciousness, and sometimes unconsciousness,

spew forth from my brain, to my fingers, to my keyboard,

to this site my communication device and some local files too...

 

But I digress...

 

This meeting has no real known social template for the protocol,

one must show up, or they are not represented, their

interests not heard, and well it's binding, so

they are discussing / deciding it feels like Me

(probably the only one wearing a No Photo black plate last year)

without my having a say...

 

It wasn't Robert's Rules of Order, where there is a given

talking order, a protocol, if you will, and set way of discussing

(Motion, Second?, Discussion, Call The Question, Vote, cycle,

next agenda item) that would be typical of a business meeting...

so I'm at a loss for what to expect and the dread was getting thick...

 

But it's not Mandatory, I'm reminded that you

don't have to attend anything at Autreat, except if you want a certificate,

which I did last year, and didn't get the required forms this year,

nor any dots, and later ended up missing most lectures anyways,

I'm just feeling like it's going to be bad...  Hence, the subtitle I've given it,

TownHanging...

 

They changed room seating to a circle so everyone could

see each other instead of didactic everyone look at the

lecturer...  Nice touch, but chaotic, to move everything around,

and the shift changes the timing, to late to start...

And circle and number of peoples are too big to actually see

everyone, some parts of it a few people thick...

I'm nervously pacing some, and sitting sometimes...

 

Someone is drafted, to take notes/ minutes on this meeting,

and we wait for that person, and their computer,

and setting up a seat, etc...  Normal delays in getting

big groups, must be 50 people or so, probably more,

no real headcount that I know of...  But the crowds come

out for this, some notable people seemingly imported,

others solicited on the online discussion board,

maybe like a lynching/ execution, I don't know,

but I dread...

 

Various people speak, some early introduce their positions,

so I reiterate mine, I raise my hand, eventually get the microphone,

well after I've forgotten what I was going to say,

summarizing the myrid of topics and implications it raises

really difficult for me to nail down, probably because it's emotional for me,

I'm told everyone knows that, what I said from the person running the meeting,

but slap one...

 

and then the topic goes typically Autistic and tangential,

the person running the meeting, trying to get it on task/

on topic, but only his / xyr (generic language for

gender neutral, something I find disconcerting,

though have seen a lot of... oddly creepy to me each time

I see it, though it's commonplace internally)

 

So we have no format of the meeting that I can tell,

eventually getting people's views, but no decisions,

it's getting late, and then chair kills the long talking queues

and only accept people on that policy subpart number,

effectively flushing the people waiting in line to speak,

and it is also not what the chair wants to hear,

xyr disputed and argued with people's comments/

and that is something not done in Robert's Rules,

the chair is meant to be impartial, the only opinion

they really have is to keep the meeting going/

facilitating what the group wants, not what they

personally want, and don't even vote except to break ties,

lest it become a bully pulpit, which it was seeming like to me...

 

I've done both, been in meeting where I was bullied,

and chaired and tried not to bully the group, though it's difficult,

really difficult to do, I know how it Should Be...

 

Down now to only what do you think of number 1, 2, 3,

4-6 or whatever, on the policy sheet.  I don't have that

handout with me, and too tired, not catching it verbally...

So I don't really know what they are discussing.

 

Something about the pool.  No photos in the pool,

no dressing room, nothing in private rooms, the last without

express permission.  I'm thinking exceptions to all the rules.

One about no photos of people's stuff... But assistive

tech is useful and educational to learn about,

and photographing it would be useful, TO ME,

but they don't want anything identifying. 

 

I mention the sound board audio board for the conference,

and am told they are discussing personal items (slap 4-6?),

not group items in public space, not sure the distinction to this day...

 

The queue for people to talk is long, too long, so each person

sharing goes off on something else, typical cat herding

autistics, I guess, but this is very large group, and the cats

are hungry/ angry/ lonely/ tired/ etc, not sure for what, blood? 

or concerned, cat nip (revenge/ anger?) is available?

 

I, along the way, say I can probably do better

than this byzantine policy.  I don't call it byzantine

at the time, but say something like it's so convoluted

that I'm wondering how it is supposed to be understandable,

to anyone but the people who created it, and I do mention

it's one of 14 or so documents a newbie gets sent,

AFTER REGISTERING, and I've mentioned to have it put up front,

published on the website for all to see ahead, not wait to the last

minute while trying to actually get there, maybe a few days

before Autreat, and are forced to agree to...  Must sign document

on site, if not before, to attend, 

 

I worry about any stuff you must sign, if you have to sign something,

there is a good chance you are giving something up, usually your freedom,

maybe in exchange for something else, but likely they have prepared,

you haven't and might want an outside legal review/ opinion,

though most of us don't have legal resources, nor money to get them,

get anything to be signed ahead of time and consider, reconsider,

if ti's really worth the terms, conditions, restrictions, etc and in this case,

check fine print clause 23, or so it seems to see if I can do something

I would normally do, take a photograph to remember something,

basically my communication device, given the verbage as a dyslexic

like this is typically less than clear to most others...

 

So I'm thinking it's a HomeRule issue,

and stated it verbally to someone before the meeting.

For those not familiar with DC, the District of Columbia,

Our Nation's Capital near where I live, in the urban suburbs,

(read upscale ghettos) doesn't have formal government representation,

and the license plates are Taxation Without Representation

or similar...  Kind of like Vermont's or New Hampshires or somewhere Northeast

Live Free or Die, for some state, or You've Got A Friend In Pennsylvania,

which maybe a little misleading, only One Friend?  Depending upon how

you parse it...

 

Now consider the restrictive interpretation of the Privacy

Policy where one is only allowed to send stuff to Friends,

mostly FaceBook Friends, whatever that means, My

GooglePlus2011 experience followed about a week later with

GoodbyeCruelWorld2011  being my limited personal experience,

with social networking sties, FB doesn't interest me,

I find it sickening, the thought, so maybe I am Autistic after all,

deciding to live in my own little world, apart from others

(all FB people, which everyone now a days seems to use)

and using the CAN-SPAM Act and turning down all invitations as everyone

publishes their address book, to some corporate entity,

my name sometimes it in, and then getting "a friend x invites to join them in FB"

Y, rather WHY? or whatever...  No Thanks...  I'm A-Social, not AntiSocial,

which is against/ harming, but rather not A- like A-Political?

 

And they (FB believers) try to Borg you.  Assimilation, against your will,

and you become one of THEM...  FB drones, clueless

followers of some self proclaimed messiah?

 

 

I point out, later in that meeting,

that people who are Not FB are Not going to know

what people say about them.  And if you are face blind

you are not going to recognize the people in photos,

to name them, and get permission to distribute...

Basically, it becomes a tool for talking behind people's back,

or Bullying, those that didn't go to Harvard originally,

aren't good socially, don't want people to know who you know,

etc, but I digress, as is typical of me...

 

I get the microphone to speak, several people have

gotten the microphone and spoken after I'd been in the queue,

actually holding the microphone, many times in the air,

to be recognized and heard, the person handing it out,

gets annoyed or something telling me to speak, or hand it over,

we would get  back to you, but I'm not recognized to speak

and there are multiple microphones running around in the meeting,

so at a loss, one of the first times, I try typing my thoughts to summarize

as I can't listen to others talking and make sense of what to say,

those are different channels, communications channels, very much

like what others talk about as autistic...

 

Kind of like lookmeintheeyemylifewithaspergersByJohnElderRobison

people don't look at you while speaking they can't concentrate

while thinking to speak face to face...

 

 

So the chair is not recognizing me, and well, I'm already tired and

want to leave, have wandered over with the microphone towards the door,

to the side or behind the chair a couple of times, IIRC,

but need to say a few things before I do...

 

I say some stuff, I don't recall what at the moment,

probably rather emotional about it, I'm at the end of my rope

at this point, I get a non response from the Chair,

and start to see if it was heard, or some acknowledgement,

and don't get it, I start to go to other things I had wanted to say,

If I had been recognized in the actual order, proper order,

admittedly I was behind the chair, for a bit, trying to get going to bed,

had done 40 miles biking early in the AM and in the mid day heat,

to deal with some of the anxiety of the social situation, this town hall meeting

in particular, and to be able to sit for remaining lectures,

up the side of a mountain, a couple of times,

once from the downtown area, again from being lost and getting

back the signs not clear which rural route would get me there,

and unlike federal interstates, don't say with signs no Non motorized

vehicles allowed, and up most of the night before,

ate an awful lot of foods at buffet, greasy and fatty that I normally don't

and dreading Privacy Policy being discussed, and not having a say...

 

A Woman, I don't know, comes across the room angry at me,

saying you already had a turn, trying to take the microphone away,

I don't know who she is, I say matching her anger or exceeding it

"Who Are You? And What Right Do You Have to Tell ME What To Do?"

 

I leave the space, handing off the microphone to an organizer/

audio guy, IIRC, saying something like "I'm out of here"

and try getting to my room. 

 

Another woman I don't know, traps me in the hall

wanting to talk to me, I don't know how she gets to my

dorm room door area before me, I went straight Point A to Point B[ed]

and didn't see her pass me, but mentioned something to those

sitting outside in the lounge about how bad I felt and the meeting...

 

I don't know who she is, though think she was the one of the team handing

out the microphones, trying to tell me not to leave, followed

by "why did you come here?"  This year, if last year was bad?

I happen to know Why Is a Punishing Question, and it starts

getting from seemingly concerned for me, to nosey and controlling to worse,

when I'd left the area to get away from people and to be left alone.

 

I'm too tired to drive that night, part of why I was leaving the TownHanging

in the first place and not to be left alone, she tried to convince me to

change my mind, effectively making a liar out of me, in the process,

a slight side effect, that probably escaped her, but would not escape

the rest of the community, which was mentioned in an earlier talk,

if you take a stand, stick to it, or lose all credibility...

 

I eventually get to my room, bed, and sleep,

exhausted in the first place, and need to rest in order

to drive back...  Packing and driving that night would not be safe,

so tired and dark, deer, mountains, long distances, stressed, etc..

 

Don't have much energy even in the morning, stay in my private room,

hear something at the door, rustling, maybe house keeping,

or nosey women, "he's still there" I think I hear, not sure

how to interpret, damn, we didn't get rid of  him, or like the

choking I've heard a few mornings, last year and this year,

who is lurking outside my door?  What are they doing?

No notes left or anything.  I've left the conference

Privacy door hanger on, not sure what it means here,

mostly hotels it's don't come in to clean my room. 

I'll take care of it, or just sleeping late, my usual,

late checkout or similar, though erratic sleep schedule,

Mornings Are Cruel And Unusual Punishment

(for being alive, as a depressive, frankly).

 

 

 

 

Conclusion

 

Summary of experience or similar

 

I stayed to the dance, reading / finishing reading

the last 100+ pages of

lookmeintheeyemylifewithaspergersByJohnElderRobison

as ComputingAcrossAmericaBook before conference/ retreat

was abandoned when I wasn't biking there, too painful a

reminder of lost dreams, wishes and opportunities...

 

I circled the dance area a few times, got prepared to leave/go,

taking stuff, lots of stuff from room to car, bike among

them, could not do during the day, for those that don't know

a bike tire in a warm summer car, equals a popped tire,

like a balloon, in 140 degree heat destroys tube, if not

expensive tire, (I had no spare bike tire, and needed it to get back

from rental place, at least and no money left to buy more stuff)

I have some the threads were split in the summer heat. 

Most non bikers don't know that, and a lot of bikers don't know that too,

but I've experienced it firsthand...

 

 

Anyways, I sit outside the dance area, avoiding Waltzes

which I can't listen to, and social stuff, seeing people's movements,

through the window, locked out the doors, went all the way around

the large building, explored the open entrance driveway

going off to that side, back to play fields, and down to another,

a parked car looks out of place, wondering on a Thursday

night who is parked and what they are doing, making out?

 

Around 10 pm, after waiting and pacing an hour,

sometimes walking, sometimes in my room,

too many trips back and forth...

 

I go back down, and told it's almost over, I get behind the table,

and a guy I had discussed online the dance,

shows me some of the DVD player controls, I figure out

the iPod easily, the DVD changer has a special setting

for changing disks, I don't know how it plays and opens

at the same time, maybe kept in memory, I've not had

those types of expensive things to learn from.  

 

And only briefly with an iPod dial controls, menu button,

forward, backward, etc, did the iPod wrong at least once,

and didn't know the amp board volume controls,

basically a mixing board, AFAICT.

 

The quiet of the change, or Pink Floyd clears the room,

but some Hippie Chicks stay around another organizing woman

comments it's good music.

 

More privately, I joke about the Last Waltz, an album title of Pink Floyd,

a group who doesn't do dance music, that seemed funny...

 

I give back the other genre's CDs when I can get inside the changer

after the first song.  I had thought they were doing hour long music blocks,

but turns out 20 min blocks of types of music...

 

So it's late, I DJ with someone else, give it over after a few Pink Floyds,

take it back again, play some other music, and mellow out some.

 

I refuse to Dance,  I merely like listening to LOUD music,

but only certain types.  People at the end are spinning

light straps on the ground, thinking Spin The Bottle?

sitting in a circle, distracted, alone and ignored,

I mess up one fade, and abruptly change it to something else...

 

Fade In and Fade Out would be a good technique,

sound sensitive people don't like the skipping around,

probably experienced like a chalkboard finger nail thing,

 

Before, I jokingly put my fingers in my ears in the Classical/

Waltz times, which made one woman sitting alone

on the floor, early in the program around 9.10 ish Laugh Out Loud...

 

Help clean up chairs to rack.

Pulling some audio equipment apart, person who owns

the mixer board pulls out stuff while it's still playing,

I leave at that point...

 

So I don't know if this is "respectful".  I know it was my

experience and anything else would be a lie.  So there it is,

if it violates your interpretation of the Privacy Policy,

then do as I've suggested and do an honor code violation,

vote me off the island type of thing,  my relation to Autreat is tenuous

enough, and frankly with everyone socially.

 

Regarding Music, I decided not to play GoodByeCruelWorld, a Pink Floyd

song of GoodbyeCruelWorld2011  titling,

and waited a little to rest from coming back from the trip to write and

put this up, hoping to be more PC than my usual, but I'm guessing it's

going to be interpreted differently, and in the viewers/ readers

eyes as they see the world.  I've tried explaining my side,

or some of it, with the communications technology I'm able to do,

and will see...

 

 

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