DearBedBugs2013
Introduction/Definition/etc
With "Strong Feelings" came a lapse into the traditional system,
and a brief description of the result(s), or lack thereof...
Body
So, if one has a problem,/ personal crisis/ strong feelings, the ER,
a trip to the Psych Ward, or alternatives might be in order...
In other cultures, I'd say with a friend, if I really had any left...
ER, Nope, Expensive and conflicts with other stuff(s) / activities/ funding
Psych Ward, like the ER, or where one ends up after the ER,
a lot of the time, but few hospitals and urgent care type places
have such a thing...
Unfortunately, the system only offered a few options,
Crisis Care, I'd tried before elsewhere so on the three choices
outpatient,
inpatient
crisis care
or just go home, aka never mind (offered before the orders were complete,
the crisis had passed, not sure how the evening would play out,
but I needed to find out if it would help me,
perhaps in the future, and it had gotten this far, so why not?
and seemed to be incentified (you will know people there),
as if the answer to my problems lay in wait...
Crisis Care
In an undisclosed location (per later signed intake agreement),
getting myself there, as cabs weren't going to run over my feet again,
or a police escort, with bike cop was considered, and we laughed about
it waiting in ES, but not feasible, though should have been,
make sure I make it there safe and sound...
I went voluntary, so could check out voluntary, seems the civil way
to do things. Or so I'd heard as an advocate over the years,
plus whatever clinical training I remembered...
ES waiting area, had a water machine, some bookcase with reading material,
it wasn't too loud until others came in, the staff woman behind the safety glass,
though distracted, and not fully attentive, let me in to get some food from vending,
as part of it was I was starving, in several ways (emotionally, physically, etc).
The soda machine was out of anything I would drink, almost everything was
caffienated, IIRC.
Candy machine was just really candy, little healthy but trail mix...
I had something with chocolate and sugar, way too much of both, IIRC
and paced around even more for a while..
Unnamed person asked me to go that way, or some such,
down the long hall with a bus that would have hit me if I were
psychotic or something, luckily I wasn't just a little startled,
cross traffic in the hallways, watch out...
Offered Granola bars to tide me over,
perhaps timing dinner I was talked to by one other guy,
presumably someone higher up,senior, older, maybe an MD,
but later find out from the MSW, not, just Ph.D.
Nobody really sitting with me, which is probably OK,
security cameras on me, labelled as video not audio,
in a police named area, I was able to wander, as stated I needed to pace
with the feelings and cool down anyway.
No peers involved, AFAICT. So much for developing consumer crisis program
stuff, we had talked about ,the dream of the providers,
perhaps get these problems away from us? Or like OOO book the late
Judi Chamberlin experienced well, the Vancouver Emotional Emergency Center
or similar, IIRC,
Did some paper work on intake in waiting area, basic personal data,
short and sweet, but in English only, maybe interpretation
available. Did they read the comments about possible conflict of interest?
or just pretend it doesn't matter?
No one else I can really speak of coming in, luckily a low
volume day, small waiting area, but some came through,
can't say, for their privacy, I didn't really connect,
used to be the fun time chatting it up with other people like
me in the waiting area, but the provider's service is their territory.
I'm going to say something about, more later,
this being a Yelp like site for MH...
Maybe 15 minute wait while someone is found to talk to me,
after the lunch break, AFAICT. Try to eat, soda not happening empty
for my limited tastes and later discover, no change, when I get there,
doesn't take anything but single dollar bills and coins,
candy machine access controlled, back out to get some money change,
see if I can find any stashed emergency coins or smaller bills
then see a bug sticky thing on the floor near the candy machine,
big dead one in it, at least it wasn't crawling.
Old buildings, not sure what they could have done,
but replace it with clean strip.
Escorted to a secondary meeting area,
someone already in the "Calming Room".
Have a seat, made comfortable, what's going on?
Not sure the level / education of the person I was talking to,
so I had to ask, would have been better to create some
camaraderie/ trust/ basis / rapport before diving right into my
most personal stuff, but just the facts, strictly business,
or to the point...
Skipping a lot of personal information, for privacy.
Talk about the options, InPatient, OutPatient, or Crisis Care...
OK, we can send you there, at no cost to you.
It's a contracted place. Anyone I know there?
It will just be about an hour wait time as they do the paperwork,
Meanwhile I pace and entertain myself with stuff for an hour,
gets to be two maybe three,
Last minute after some commitments made,
I can't take the bike there, what to do?
It's getting worse and worse, but I say not a deal breaker,
have to leave it, then don't have enough time to do other things
and make the hour window to get there in later rush hour traffic,
I'm told it's cold there, maybe take a sweatshirt...
I leave and do an errand on the way,
walking a lot in the heat with stuff for a stay,
maybe up to 2 weeks, just agreed to check it out, or overnight,
to see if it would work for me... No, I don't have a copy of the summary,
have to come back for that, records is closed now...
Military and other places, you are handed your record/ chart/ orders,
you can read it while waiting, though it's likely in jargon,
and transporting it with you anyways like x-rays or something,
Paperwork was faxed, though the fax was broken and likely a shift change.
Arrival
Arrive, right place? Could not find the address thing in my stuff,
that got moved around quickly...
A perky girl/ young woman answers the door while I'm searching to
find the address before ringing a non existent doorbell...
They are getting dinner around, one person ahead of me for check-in/
intake process. they quickly take all my stuff into the office,
in the meantime...
Maybe they think I've got contraband or something?
Dinner
Perky staff going back and forth doing laundry
Do we wait for the other person to eat?
Say Grace?
People talking at me, but I can't really understand them.
Dishwasher broken, so I do some dishes. Meal was Beef Stroganoff,
Hamburger Helper, most likely, salad, dressing, two choices, feeling fat,
so skip that mystery oils eat greens. Also spinach, cooked. Not sure how much to eat,
as others not arrived yet... Plastic ware, nice enough setting, but not relating
well...
Staff asked me how it was, I say good or edible. Different than my own cooking,
so must be good, even if not good for me, possibly high fat or salt, but maybe not...
Noise
A very loud TV blaring noise in the living room, dining room doesn't separate,
it's a small house and I just got there from a "Calming Room" with soothing outside
pictures to something else here, the contrast is stark.
.
I try to get some personal space, so I go check out the back yard, It's only a smoking area,
I find an archery arrow with a broken quiver, must be kids nearby, turn it in... It gets trashed.
Bedbugs
New policy since I'd done stuff like this, have to control bedbugs,
so, all your clothes get washed, papers and stuff go in the freezer
for hours, basically overnight. The bugs don't like hot nor cold,so I'm told.
Given a ziplock bag of starter clothes, sweatpants and a t shirt.
Sizes are a guess, too short, and will the pants fall down?
I have no fashion sense, so don't care about that...
After some questions with two staff in the office,
two female staff, no males on duty,
going through my stuff, like a purse, not sure what all I've got in there,
fairly critical or at least questioning of my belongings, which are too many,
but I could have been stuck there for up to two weeks,
so I wanted to have most of what I needed.
I Shower, and get cleaned up after being out in the heat.
So many questions, I'm a subject, don't really like it, but it's paperwork
who really does?
Shower and get assignment of room, getting to early evening, and I've been
up since maybe midnight. I have a male roommate, in the basement,
with people walking stairs right on my head. He's likely medicated, meds at 8 pm
on the schedule. Being talked at in a high pitched increasingly annoying voice,
but she's not really listening, or doesn't understand/ nor care. I'm getting very tired,
and information overload... More paperwork to finish the intake, before I can sleep,
and all these forms. Signing my rights away. Refused the photo.
Without a computer, an additional set of hand written questions seemed a little personal,
bordering on inappropriate. Would like to see the approved form and get it from my chart/
face sheet info to be certain it's kosher, so to speak...
Religion?
Orientation?
How vulnerable are you to exploitation?
What type? I ask, and talk about the types of abuse one receives.
My answer was not really heard, she wanted me to be less vulnerable that it was,
and I'm thinking on how to average the combined responses based on types..
If we were to see you in public somewhere, should we acknowledge you?
Discretely, after telling me how I know you.
Not by phone, maybe email, etc...
Might be standard, but not sure. Too tired for this stuff, just need to go to bed,
and not allowed, ant it's only 8 pm or so, but I've been up ~19 hours by then...
Wind Down
As laundry is running still, and staff up and own the stairs,
roommate showers, essentially kick me out of the bedroom near the shower
for a while.
Paperwork
Further paperwork, will I sign a release of information to someone I don't even know.
Who is this person? Supervisor of the referring person.
Why do they get my information? I must? Why? They fund this program. So?
Late
OK, I say to staff still doing laundry or hand washing something in the sink,
I may not be staying, how to be polite about it?
Phones
Told not allowed to have phones around other patients.
Their privacy or something, so disconnected, essentially, and electronics kept from me too...
Roommate Snores
Around 9 or 10 pm I'm well past tired, but can't sleep with someone
else in the room. Plus snoring.
And annoying staff, patronizing, don't understand, it's not going to work,
I'm better off at home...
I'm going to get worse there instead of better...
I'm Leaving
Staff try to talk me out of it?
Get my reasons. Not good enough ("you haven't tried our program"),
excuses ("we had two intakes, not normally this full")
blaming ("you said you were..." implying lying on intake/ symptoms )
they aren't listening anyway and increasingly don't care, just stalling.
They drag feet, can't find my stuff ,going to the office, won't let me go,
talking around me but not too me. Something is up...
"Your clothes are still wet, why don't you stay?" or similar
You haven't heard me, third time, I'm leaving, this isn't going to help me.
The supervisor is on the phone, and wants to talk to me, talking down to me,
no I don't want to talk,. too tired, and getting late. I've made my decision.
Quit bugging me...
Two bags of wet clothes, just spin dried.
All my stuff scrambled, papers, keys, valuables, sign for this (remember how bad
the description of my stuff was, well can't really identify it now, and just have to trust them
to get out?)
,
I finally get my med stuff back, what am I missing? sign for that before I've gotten it,
remembering Emergency Services statements they take everything there...
Police Arrive
I'm on the phone talking to someone who does care,
but can't do much about it. at that late hour, maybe 10 to 11 pm by now..
letting them know I'm going home/ somewhere else,
it's not helping, and it's not going to...
Police pull up and it's immediately apparent I'm being lied to...
Two armed uniformed police standing over me, while I'm sitting on the phone.
asking me the same stuff over and over again,
what's going on?
I've not slept in over 20 hours, this place isn't going to help me,
I'm voluntary, and want to go home.
and know it's getting worse, staff people snickering.
Parting shots from staff
As leaving with police,
"They are going to love you there..." or similar
"You would have been better off here"
Standing by the door til I'm in the police car...
Thoughts of criminalization of the Mentally Ill...
Definitely Abusive
My Stuff
Remembering they would not allow a bike or vehicle,
so I can't make a graceful exit...
I'll carry my own, thanks, Trunk...
Get Stuff in Trunk
Patted down on the police car trunk, no force used,
but spending a little too much time around the privates,
IMO...
Wouldn't have been bad if it was the female officer,
but... (insert hip hop police theme song)
Handcuffed.
It's the rules, remembering stories of people
shackles were used, Tazers on people,
sent to jail, state hospital, and change of plans in route,
Other officer, female, in other vehicle following or something.
It takes two, a witness, I guess...
Yes, they said they were CIT (Crisis Intervention Trained).
Ride
Officer plays with the devices.
Did the police take a photo of me in the back seat?
said it was of the license plate ahead...
I didn't believe him. But what are you going to do,
handcuffed in a fiberglass back seat?
They were interesting gadgets, in another less threatening situation,
but I could not really see...
ER
Shaming with others watching you in other clothes
sitting hand cuffed in the waiting room, while waiting
for intake there. From guard desk, staff LOUDLY
ask your name, more shame. You Bad.
Theme song: Bad Boys' whatcha gunna do?
Whacha gunna do when they come for you?
Waking up a little, with the ride and everything.
Hospital Intake
Got vitals, temp, weight. I've lost weight. Maybe the scale is off?
No longer ideation, as it's turned/ converted/ transformed / externalized into anger,
at the system for this treatment...
(Late chart says in kilograms, would be good to calculate out lbs,
maybe they think two numbers would confuse someone and
get dosage wrong? Or just bad software?)
Waiting
Talk with police as they are keeping an eye on me anyway.
Rather personable when not taking you somewhere you don't think
you need to go. Talk tech, family, vehicles, etc...
She's a proud redneck. Who would have thought. NASCAR?
I don't know much about it.
Lay back in the ER bed, at least comfortable. Beeping noises.
Better than snoring, but probably can't really sleep there,
still nothing more productive to do, after the initial stress of going in...
Supervisor
Instead of MD, supervisor says she's the one to talk to me instead.
Writing bad things about my to share with others?
Not bad.
SI is good?
No.
Then it's bad.
I don't want to talk, I'm tired.
Close eyes, lay back in hospital bed, comfortable.
Look at you.
No, Look At You.
Blondish Ph.D candidate or something. Doesn't have much life experience, ,
Have you ever been on this side? (sitting on the hospital bed?)
You might want to try it, then you will learn how to treat people better.
She keeps saying I have to talk to her, when I don't.
I'm refusing treatment.
She says she's going to put in the ward, she has no other choice.
I said this wasn't one of the options. trying to force me to talk.
What am I being punished for?
disagreeing with your low opinion of me?
Doc
Around 1 am , quick doc looking guy talking to police outside
room. Supervisor had partially closed sliding glass door
thinking it would be private, wondering why I still don't want to talk to her,
I've got attitude, who wouldn't at this point?
I'm polite to the Doc.
He's sending me home, after a talk with her, about not abusing me,
give my brief history, which she apparently didn't believe.
Something about a protective order against her so this doesn't keep happening to me.
Superceded her orders. I don't have to return the clothes unless I want to.
Have her pay personally for sending me there, as I didn't want it and it was forced...
Any medical tests I need since I'm here?
No thanks, didn't say I was too tired,
Ride back?
Same officer after talking to his Sargent or someone with rank,
OK, to take you back? superior asked, Yes, please.
I don't want a cab, and too late for anything else...
Conclusion
Summary of experience or similar
Don't trust a system that doesn't share your views on treatment.
Better safe than sorry, doesn't always work. Especially with other people
who don't know nor care about you.
It's a job for them, it's my history, personal information, and future.
Protect it...
Discussion
A place for feedback on the page presented
Page History
20130728 Jerry
- Jerry created this page to "drop the rock", so to speak ...
- later cleanup some with edits, spell check what I can, and adding headings
- no longer brief, as intro said, but not a transcript either
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