FathersDay2011

 

 

Introduction/Definition/etc Body Conclusion Discussion Page History Page Statistics Page Views:  since creating on 20110619

 

Introduction/Definition/etc

 

Rambling down memory lane,

some good, some bad, well, truthfully mostly bad,

as I tend to write to figure out stuff, and don't have much

positive to figure out, so end up writing the bad stuff,

this time on Father's Day topic, as if I stay on topic...

 

20110619 8.03 am Jerry

 

 

Body

 

So now it's Father's Day, 2011...

 

For those that are just starting to read these rants and other stuff,

MyFatherPassedAwayLastNight   over a year ago,

so I am FatherLess this year again.  Not the first Father's Day

without him, but still, after the shock wears off a little,

is when I think people have trouble with loss...

 

There are people around sometimes with funerals,

and just after a loss, but with a father, you, as a child of,

might need to create the memorial service,

or pay people to set it up, that has not happened...

 

So it goes into complicated grief...

 

Grief is not Depression and Depression is not Grief...

 

Both are sad, blue, down emotions, but people tend

to understand grief better, as it's expected, whereas

Depression, people think snap out of it,

and can't understand why you aren't happy/ functioning/

etc...

 

I'm just trying to stay busy, not that there isn't lots to do

anyways, so much BS to do with AndTheHorseYouRodeInOn2011

and other stuffs...

 

 

So go to ArlingtonBluesFestival2011

and well it was like a big pity party with food, music, etc...

Vendors, displays, pets, and more drunk people

than I would have liked to be around,

but that's a little like being around Dad too 8-/

 

One could try retail therapy around Father's Day,

and if really confused try buying Dad an Apple

http://www.microcenter.com/single_product_results.phtml?product_id=0358117

only to find it doesn't take batteries without a major repair,

it's gimmicky, and Dad's and others should know to reject it,

don't buy stuff, just to buy stuff, as Dad's are supposed to care

and give advice and unless your Dad is completely non technical,

mine was a little, he wasn't the usual fix it type of Dad,

he did garden, and plant, and Farm, in a Victory Garden type of way,

and wonder what happened to the rototiller?  Hopefully it is being used,

you can't actually plant Dad in the back yard, like you might with a pet,

cat or dog, bird, squirrel, or hamster, fish get flushed, Navy Style,

sometimes, but there are probably laws about where people can be

burred, as would not want to be digging up remains like Alexandria

when making the Wilson Bridge, now called the Freedman's Cemetery,

or similar...

 

Cremated, people become ashes, as in "Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust...",

the religious people sometimes say, in services, and I'm getting rather philosophical,

and distancing myself from the loss, would not want to get too morose,

as some people have dad's still, and anyone unsuspectingly clicking

on FathersDay2011 link and finding something this down, might get a shock...

 

I'd thought of writing something about my specific dad, well before and getting all

Good Writer type stuff...  He would have been proud of some things I do,

but other times, he went off on how I could not water the garden,

for him, when he was in the hospital one time,

another time he said He Hates This Family, but I dismiss that some on

the ground that he was drinking at the time, trying to grill for people,

and well, I was trying to keep people out of his way, apparently he was

trying to have people help him...

 

I've got photos of him looking quizzical, disoriented, when a waiter/ waitress

came up during one meal out, usually yo go have a meal out with dad,

as our cooking generally doesn't cut it, by comparison to a Dad,

mine cooked for us growing up, not the grilling type stuff, which he enjoyed too,

but day to day cooking as a single dad, Courtship of Eddie's Father type

era...

 

After his first heart attack, at maybe around my age now, he

started eating healthy/ healthier...  He's the one who got me switched

over from whole milk to Skim.   Now Whole Milk tastes like Cream,

and well, as a kid i n the household, I didn't have much say,

he would ask me what foods I wanted, dragged me to the grocery store

with him, trying to get me to eat, but it was the emptiness of the house/

apartment/ townhouse, the Latch Key Child, syndrome I guess,

at least there was the Dog to keep me company later,

I had to walk him, usually had to go find him, he had the sense

to run away from home, I just biked away, and ended up coming

back each day...  I usually ended up doing laundry, my own at least,

his a lot of times too?  I basically became the wife, when he divorced,

and being the person he was, it was about him most of the time,

and I could not do it myself, one time thinking I was a father,

then she didn't want me to know,  I was just plopping down,

leaning against a wall, my back and so tired, just doing day to day

stuff like going to work (I was at the time) and commuting,

how could someone not yell at a kid just if he asked for something,

like the other kids had, so demanding, now I think it might have

been the booze.  You see, Dad would come home and cook dinner,

leaving me to do the dishes, then watch TV until bed time,

usually after news or something, and well drink during that time,

so family time, wasn't playing ball, though he probably taught me some,

I think we played chess a little, as who else would play with a Latch Key Kid,

but mostly I remember he wasn't around, so when it came time to

take care of him in the hospital, I did what I could and then went to take

care of myself.   You see I'm basically Feral...

 

Maybe that is the Autism?

 

I  see on cable, the Arlington CSB head who's kid is Autistic, Living with Patrick

or similar, and his dad takes a lot of care of him, she wonders and worries about

her son, disabled and all after they pass, what becomes of him?  "Keeps us/one

up at night" I seem to recall...   Wonder who she thinks is going to take care of her,

and his dad?  There was the other sibling too.  She talked a little about how it is

with a disabled brother, maybe not like Riding Buses With My Sister/

Rosie O'Donnell or similar movie, probably a Hallmark tear jerking movie,

like most are, sentimentality, those dad's aren't really things we are good at,

but somehow expected...  A gift without a Card?  Blasphemy!

 

Retail to the Rescue, we have the prepackaged solution for you...

Just $19.95 or more, depending upon options.    Was better when we

were younger and could just make some refrigerator art instead?

I'm sure I'm forgetting how difficult it was to think of something,

much less, at least for me with Dysgraphia, to draw anything,

(stick figures are Advanced, for me)

my OT therapy when in the Day Program was using the computer

to stencil stuff, the art people thinking we should be doing basket weaving

or something...

 

Reminds me, I was mean to Dad during the collapse of my life,

I blamed him for a lot of stuff, and even with Adult Child issues,

the Statute of Limitations on bad parenting runs out about age

30...  By then you have perhaps left the nest, and had about

as long as you were alive (15x 2) to correct the mistakes

that others gave you... 

 

So I looked at Mechanical Things, Impact Drivers, Tool Kits,

electronics, dad type things, even just old style Jeans,

Levi's were the thing when I was growing up, and well,

we are stuck in the times we were in, and don't try to change

that, makeover dad is not something we want to deal with,

not that I'm fishing for presents, or anything....

 

Ah, Fishing.  Dad tried that with little ones...

They ended up arguing.  Dad's and Grand Dad's

maybe one of the things he tried to redo?

Give us some good dad type memories, and now the

tears start...

 

He tried so hard.  I argued with the little one,

dad's driving, I'm in the middle, dad has issues with the teen,

pre teen at that point, attitude is everything when you are a kid,

it's really all you have, the resources are elsewhere...

No car, no money of your own, etc...

Pretty Little Liars, might be the TV Show for Girls,

verbal skills so much better, or Community College the TV show,

Bitches, the Aspie character out talks the girls,

and realizes that the ones he was trying to help were B*****

too...

 

I can't even type at this point, early morning waking,

mostly the A/C being so loud, maybe they can replace

central air isn't going to happen, and well, Aspie and Autistics

are usually more bothered by noise, and this place isn't appropriate

for me, came in when it wasn't on, tried the heater, saw it worked,

they were painting at the time, no thermometer in the place,

can't tell how hot/ cold it gets.  I would leave the heater off,

or just run the living room, and the bedroom unit off,

but the A/C, that is different, so up at 4 or 6 am,

almost farmer like...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conclusion

 

Summary of experience or similar

 

Discussion

 

A place for feedback on the page presented

 

Page History

20110619 Jerry

• Jerry created this page to ...

 

Page Statistics

Page Views:  since creating on 20110619