MoreAutreat2011PostProcessing

Introduction/Definition/etc

Writing to online group, but can't use that online email system very well,

for long writings, which I need a writing tool I normally use,

and can edit/ clean up, and because it related to what already

said, put up here...

Body

"An Expectation is a Resentment Waiting To Happen"

Quote from 12 Step culture.

Trying to process what happened,
Was thinking of situation with an individual online,
but might not be good...

Someone expecting one on one support/ penpal
relationship building after years/ decades/
life of loneliness, but not what I'm prepared to do,
basically find someone else.


If I have an expectation of people want to hear
my thoughts/ feelings/ suggestions, maybe
they don't.  

Ex. Re: Autreat Orientation

From one direction, lecturers, just tell them what they need
to hear, read the "rules" as it were, they should
be able to read them, maybe not just read it to
them....  Get it over with, get on with the show/
retreat...

From the Other direction, telling us what to do,
controlling, demeaning, as if we don't have
any wants/ feelings/ opinions/ ideas/ ways of doing things
already.  

More indoctrination than orienting/ welcoming...

MH & Substance Abuse/ 12 Step worlds
different than Autism / Autreat world,
and no real bridges between, so try building those bridges
by analogy (difficult with literal thinking) 
and after processing/ writing, for myself
and others who come to it later...

Other perspective/direction, 
Autism world has analogies to
other human services systems, some individuals 
maybe both or all three...  Good for a Cross disability
perspective...  But [else] who cares about that? 

But heard as criticisms, while online said Planning Committee
people took what we wanted to make Autreat good for everyone.
(not an exact quote, which literal people seem to like/
require, likely to argue with incomplete rememberings
or paraphrasing...)

But with a tradition of 10+ years or so of doing
Autreat, certain things are done a certain way
based on how it's [always] been done, anything
else is trouble making, stressful changes
for people who like routine and things the same,
or at the last minute or seen as complaining...

Newbies/ Newcomers don't know that, 
and if not stated, before hand,
online or a few cheatsheet handouts,
mentoring/ buddying, have no idea 
what the program or expectations are,
and basically feel like told everything
they normally do is wrong, repeatedly/
constantly.

Maybe age differences too, decades after
going to college, we already did this,
this is for the kids/ 20 somethings,
just starting out...


re: Lecture room layout, Seating, last year difficulty
finding something comfortable that worked for me, 
Can't sit in conference room chairs for hours and days on end
While sofas in the back, but I can't see the board,
so can't follow any lecture thoughts,
but back had power plugs for laptop for accessible/ notetaking
otherwise forget everything and get almost nothing
out of it, eventually moved nearer, or had other people sitting
on the couch with, who saved seats, and got to know others.

This year single seat I went early, moved to stage left 
near door and audio, but nobody to "save seats", 
if there even is that concept among others,
(seat doesn't have your name on it)
but accommodations and others from last
year or who know me, might be aware of lecture room
seating needs...

Another option is recording, which wasn't allowed,
with written, signed and more "rules" privacy, AFAICT,
and house recordings not available,
for sale later, maybe...
Not provided like audio for blind at Olmstead or other
disability public meetings...


For me to complete Autreat, without Abort 
(computer program bombing analogy),
that happened some this year, not last,
Last, for me, was exhausting early am lectures,
learning/ relearning dorm procedures (it's been decades),
food selection learning/ alternatives off campus,
etc, and ended up with naps and attitude from exhaustion.
Those on a work or school instead of disability/ retirement
schedule might be used to that schedule...

After days of immersion in school environment
got more used to it, adapted, but then time to go...


Writings:

Lots written of academic, presentation type materials.
Packet before hand, too many to make sense of,
especially first time.
Analogy to school / college, though, jargon specific
to Autism are not really known.  No real glossary, nor
defintions, looking it up online difficult, wifi in and out,
and lecture material incoming at the same time,
what others probably call sensory overload...

Asking during auditory lecture seen as interrupting/
troublemaking.  How could someone not know?
Well from different systems and worlds...
But not stupid, as lecturer, usually inexperienced,
assumes...

Later writing about experience to self and back
to list...  Generally don't want to hear my
difficulties with it, we did all this work,
why didn't you like it, or you are not appropriate
for this, go away, or shut up...


Some reading the term "I" as selfish?
where in MH world, I statements are the thing to do,
say what my perspective/ feeling, etc is,
especially in a group, as I can't speak for others,
and the more diverse a group, the more likely
it's way different, like parent/ kid, teacher/ student,
provider/ consumer, funder/fundee, etc.
Usually including feeling statements, IF SAFE ENVIRONMENT,
which after a few too many conflicts, wasn't...

Examples:

I feel angry, I feel hurt, I feel sad, I feel tired, etc,
though not always that simple to determine emotional
states...

More therapy style than academic, more emotional
than intellectual, i.e. Spock/ Data, emotions don't
compute, or irrelevant...  So Quit whining.
Go Away.

Conclusion

Summary of experience or similar

Discussion

A place for feedback on the page presented

Page History

20110908 Jerry

• Jerry created this page to
• try to put to rest this years experience
• with lessons learned/ difference
• HUGE FORMATTING ISSUES since cut and paste from online email system
• preformatted helps some but mixmash of styles
• otherwise Header2 mess SORRY
• rough notes, not really ready for others to see
• but have to write it while thinking about it,...

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