having trudged through the snow yesterday to a COS meeting that was cancelled

without adequate notice, spent 3 hours waiting for transportation

after the COS last meeting on friday  and had my agenda additions

ignored (need minutes of the previous meeting, plus more background

on the panel/jury 'candidates' and not time to absorb the other volumous

information with commuting and other commitments),

plus my experience with the last general RRWG meeting

(as the county contracting agent (Lori Bell) who came into CWC before

Thanksgiving saying 'your not going to like this' and not paying the verbally agreed upon $2k

for 5+ months of trying to make it happen when she wouldn't show up,

having Dianne present an award to the women who complainedo on the

few occasions of a 2 hour car commute home whne I was doing that regularly

by bus and bike.  Lori called it 'blogging' on NoVAPeers.pbwiki.com)

has taken a lot out of me, besides my usual tired, manipulated, expoited,

toyed with and abused feelings in dealing with this system,

in addition to the neighbor that regularly showers at 4.30 am,

(the middle of my sleep cycle)...

 

 

i had suggested COS next week, but that is not heard either.

so the feeling of wasting my time is very strong right now,

(though perhaps it's just exhaustion),

 

 

and i don't have the flexibility to change transportation as

quickly as those [weathly?] drivers that are (supposedly) reimbursed,

nor do i have the kind of cash to shell out $50 in cab fare (one way)

to get to $25 meetings, and spend O'Brien and Snow

memorial money that way, nor think that cabs show up in my

SE corner of the county (read 'long island') without a corporate

account (add snow mess and all) and to try to make a connection

to the next steering committee meeting.

so I'm probably going to have to miss

the crucial meeting because it was changed on me,

and what i say doesn't matter anyway.

 

 

philosophically, after considering the panel like a jury and wondering

about diane's comment of 'any consumer', thinking on the

conflicts of naming people we already know to review things we

might be proposing, i'm wondering about just an open

court panel of our peers, 'john q consumers' who might

be presented the proposals and wonder what they would do for them,

instead of the blue ribbon 'experts' panel

approach.  but this email is probably too

late, and no one seems to care what i say nor

do for the last two years because there is money

now and let's have consumers fight over very little money,

'lynching style' for providers enjoyment...

 

 

after going to the state house with ray looking for COS funding

three years ago on short notice and after two years of doing

stuff like this and to have the hundreds of hours

website presented by someone who's never been to a meeting,

i'm feeling like quitting and given the last general RRWG meeting

that people would enjoy that...

 

 

phil i seem to recall first meeting you when you

were briefly RRWG treasurer upstairs in the institute hallway

out side the soda machines, after you had showed

up at the steering committee meeting when i couldn't

 and saying i wanted/needed to be paid,

but that has not happened in the last year and

given that Russell/executing committee

thinks we are worth $8/ hour 'being paid for our expertise'

as presented by Russell to the last steering committee,

by Diane and others enjoying having him replace me

without any experience with these services, nor worked

for years to create such position(s) and

how we are treated here in this area

(read things like this and putting up a green

projector screen and a rooom full of providers

laughing about St Patricks Day following Patricks

(born on St. Patricks day) death

and laughing about not looking back

(i.e. not paying for the last year's work and replacing

the wiki with 'Network of Care' after failing to fund the website

activities for a year). at the second Regional IT meeting, maybe

we should move that Russell's salary is now $8/

hour and fire James Thur for such abuse?