ARoastingFarewell
Introduction/Definition/etc
Written as a farewell, but others didn't like it, so not used officially, but shared here for those that might be interested in seeing it....
Body
February 007, 2009
Dear Beth:
We have convened a meeting
(reminscent of kangaroo courts of times past)
in secret executive session, and declared
that you are to be TDO'ed, shackled, Tazered
and hauled into the magistrate in Prince William County,
as Fairfax City and County would not have you.
We are recommending sentence of countless hours,
actually decades, of community service in a basement
without windows of NVMHI ... Neither your previous
time served nor community service records will
not transfer, as there is another glitch in
the Network of Care system.
We hear you have a lot of friends in the systems there,
and feel that you are best placed in a least restrictive
environment and hope you will feel at home to serve a life
sentence or boring meetings with countless pointless
interruptions.
We contacted the Brain Foundation, but they do not
take forensic patients, and are not currently running
a halfway house. LIPOS beds were at a premium,
and the closure of hospital beds at Alexandria
Hospital left no placement.
It was determined that your crime was conspiring,
technically attempting to conspire to organize
a gang called 'CSX' Consumers/Survivors/Ex-Patients (CSX)
who's turf is Northern Virginia, though trying to
spread across the state and currently looking to
vacation in Florida over spring break or the Easter
holiday, we can't tell which...
Quantico's Criminal Minds superstar reported the CSX gang
had migrated south from Pennsylvania in some carpet bagging
scheme during the first Great Depression.
Your charges are complicated by the fact that you
were doing it 'for the purposes of recovery'
over the period of a number of years (we've lost count),
and that is an illegal gathering under Prince William County
Government's Employee Code of Conduct,
[plus 'sympathizing with the enemy']
any non existent applicable regional laws
and one lawyers' husband declared,
"not within Virginia statute."
Your appeals to Governor Mark Warner were denied
as he's gotten a better job in Washington, DC.
We are checking if further charges will be pressed
based on applicable Federal trafficking laws,
which we misinterpreted as transporting
Consumers/Survivors/Ex-Patients across county lines
for the purposes of slave labor.
A summer volunteer/ candy stripper from the local hospital
is doing computer searches for any organized crime
laws related to these charges. She is working on her Ph.D.
and is very aggressive, but we can't figure out how
she plans to graduate from NVCC Woodbridge with a Ph.D...
Maybe she will just teach there, as the commute anywhere
else is too bothersome.
Enclosed, you will find some evidence against you, and
a jury of your peers will be speaking briefly
FOR AND AGAINST you [though some will ABSTAIN],
but the case is heard under a new hanging judge,
trying to make a name for himself
after the Attorney General Gilmore was brought up on
ethics charges, so we are not hopeful.
Please note the attached mug shot is provided,
in case you don't already have one.
While we had hoped to divert the case to a Mental Health Court,
one could not be found within the legal limit of 48 hours,
though current legislation is pending for extending that time,
we know Richmond works as slow as mollassas
and the current budget crisis precludes us from
Dys-Organizing one.
We found a public defender,
but he was not licensed by the Virgina Bar,
could not obtain a passport to cross the Potomac,
into the Great State of Virginia within the allotted time
and has too high a caseload to actually help you.
Rumor has it he is looking for a better paying
job with a stable local government, as non profit
work is too risky and United Way is not hiring.
You were observed by Psychiatrist Kerrie,
who is on vacation during your crisis time but left orders
for you to take your medicine and quit complaining about it.
If you fail to comply you will be outpatient committed
in an unnamed Central Virginia CSB.
Your appeals to Lynn,
went unheard as she had resigned and could not be located,
though she is rumored to be out skiing and we are checking
local ERs surrounding the Swiss Alps.
We hope you can sit back and enjoy your last meal,
as we heard you didn't eat much before Co-Chairing
general RRWG, now called a Resource Reduction and
Redirection Group that has not obtained Working Group
status.
Further charges of killing off [killing is a personnel term for firing]
your accomplices, Pam and Wendy are pending.
If you wish to have a Priest give you last rites
or answer your prayers, Reverend Bill,
has volunteered to give you spiritual guidance,
but he heard you are not Presbyterian,
so maybe finding a Rabbi or sentencing you to
in house 12 Step meetings would be more appropriate.
We heard him mutter something about not being that
Hire Powered, whatever that is, as he left the building
in disgust, with 5 CSX gang members in tow...
Technical assistance from Doug could not create
a spreadsheet nor email system on his handheld wireless computer
to tally the number of substantiated meeting slips required,
as his Assistive Technology project provided backup laptop
hard drive with the GPS option, Windows computer crashed while riding
his scooter on the way here in winter weather. It was rumored
to be running M$ Windows 95.
You will not be allotted 5 minutes time to speak in your own defense,
as only a fool would try to be their own lawyer.
Sincerely,
Jerry
Conclusion
Or similar
Discussion
A place for feedback on the page presented.
There would probably be a debate or worse on this creative fictional writing,
but we don't talk directly about it, and maybe we should...
Page History
20090215 Jerry
- Jerry shared this page, as someone said it was cancelled, possibly sabotaging others efforts.
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