TheShortOfIt

 

Introduction/Definition/etc Body Conclusion Discussion Page History Page Statistics Page Views:  since moving from FrontPage on 20090308

 

Introduction/Definition/etc

 

Something important that should be better written, but losing my voice anyway..

 

Body

 

TheShortOfIt.txt

 

So here's what happened...

 

I'm coming out of the BrainFoundation opening of Laura's House,

a MH./ MR group home event.  I'd been involved in the predecessor

Wings House and they had merged efforts after the providers absconded

with Wings House...  So I know a lot of the people there, and am

now part of the umbrella funding organization [but having been replaced

by a paid staff from the outside, and they enjoy doing that, pointing

out I've got no authority], having been to the state legislature,

day after the Super Bowl, when they are probably hung over,

and say who are you?  Or I don't know you.

[I didn't reply my grandfather is in Canton,

in fact I didn't say much at all, since it seemed to be a hanging

judge/ committee, I merely pointed out that there is competition, and

I'd be applying, in my very old [and out of fashion] work like clothes

feeling like I don't fit in here with people who are presenting their

projects again this year, paid to be there, before the legislature again...]

with my mentor and letters from advocates to which they said,

"You have friends in high places" not sure if meaning Mark Warner

or the Reverend and lawyer wife advocates.   Or maybe it's God's Country?

 

So that fateful spring, we are in a funding cycle too. 

 

I'm talking with Prince William people about what to do my proposal

for creating a consumer run house, consumer/ survivor bottom up

website, or peer transportation service, or many of the ideas you

might see on the Wiki here, further developed with a budget, written

out. for others to judge, etc...

 

And I help set up and clean up the Brain Foundation event,

and rush out to the MetroAccess, a new service to me

since breaking a toe on the fridge walking to the

new TV series on Jan 21, 2007? or 2006?  something like that

it's been a really long few years...

 

I don't know how long I have, probably not much time.  I'd be stuck in

Fairfax City on a Sunday or something.  Busses only run once an hour

at best, if I could find the stops and connections.   I don't know the

connections here...

 

There's this little guy wanting to talk to me.  He's Asian.  The

conversation is choppy and I don't understand it.  First on his name?

 

We talk a while, he asks about my camera, I say give the standard

digital advice, kids and animals move too fast for digitals...

I leave and rush to do taxes or miss the deadline,

I don't recall.

 

Hear in the news, Virginia Tech shootings.

 

Over 6 months later realize, OH, CRAP! that was him. 

Cho, S.H. is the best I can recall.

 

Or was it all a bad dream? My sleep is so fucked, so I'm not always

sure when I'm awake, mostly tired and rarely sleep well,

my neighbors wake me at 1 am walking around and

4 am with showering louder than any basement I've ever been in.

And I asked for quiet!

 

So what to do?  I've experienced something many people would be

hating [and there are probably legal issues], but I can't not say

something and since the Tech shootings were a duplicate of the

Columbine, I MUST say something so that others don't have to go

through the same thing...

 

Most people would have the sense to be quiet.

Most people say "it didn't happen." 

Most say, "You didn't meet him."

"You're crazy", so it must be wrong.

 

I wish it were. 

 

I don't want to have talked with a shooter a day or two before the

shootings.  I don't want to be that person who was not able to stop

him, for I really didn't realize that he was going to kill people.

I thought we were talking cameras...

 

I didn't have his history.  I didn't know the background...

I think it's a student going back to college after a spring break...

 

A while before, I have been a speaker in front of large audiences for

creating  Consumer Operated Drop In Centers, and said something like,

"You want to go home after a long shift, maybe winter time,

but someone comes up, as you are closing/leaving,

and they don't have a home.  What do you do?"

 

I felt very very cold after talking to him. 

 

People describe evil as something like that.

Cold blooded killer or some such phrase.

 

I don't know if he was evil, seems like most afterwards

would assume that. I do know there were strong emotions.

But somewhere under the surface that I didn't fully

comprehend...

 

Where does that rage come from? 

Years of slights, for size, for culture, for being different?

For not being able to talk and it builds up?

For being systematically separated?

For retaliation, for how the system treats him?

 

I will say he was difficult to talk with.

As I learn later, he was labelled selectively mute.

 

But appearantly talked to me. 

Why?  I'm not sure.

Maybe the anger I express on this pbwiki?

Maybe it was just Time?

Maybe he was bullied at Tech

[/ home/ everywhere, so I've proposed we create antibullying legislation.]

Maybe he was looking for someone to stop him?

Maybe he was looking for someone to take his picture and be more 'famous'?

Maybe he wanted to have a home in Laura's House and skip all that?

Maybe...

 

People say he was autistic.  I don't know.  I'm around autistics,

and may be/have a high functioning form of it, called Aspergers.

 

Maybe that makes it easier for him to talk to me?

Talk to a peer?  Talk to someone with the power to put him

in a good home?  But didn't know I don't have that power,

might have in the past, might in the future, but not then...

Maybe I just couldn't access it...

 

Most are not like that. Most are not violent.

Many are feared, but it's usually the observers issues instead of the subject...

 

The communication can be so awkward, like I did experience.

 

I'm used to people telling me they want to die. 

I've been there many times myself. 

Maybe people sense that...

I'm in depression support groups and have been in therapy,

and that's pretty much what we talk about,

privately and with confidentiality... 

Most do not do it.

Thank God.

But some do.

 

And I guess that is the short answer, the Short Story.

Some do. 

Think that some will not, well, most might not, but some do.

Learn from others' experience.  It happens...

 

As far as me being autistic/ Aspergers myself,

I don't have the money to find out. 

And if I had another label, what would that mean?

Could I get a card with it on it?

Be a card carrying Aspie? 

"Here's my card", oh and "leave me alone."

Does it explain my behavior?

Explain any public meltdowns...

 

Better yet, I've talked about creating a MedicAlert bracelet.

"Allergic to the Traditional Mental Health System.

Alternate Leave Alone."

I have created a dog tag with that on it.

I could make my own on cheap vending machine like stuff

and instantly there it is.

Not what I wanted, but something...

 

But that's a lot to put on a little bracelet, as there

are acronyms, MH, Alt, NKA, NKDA, etc.. 

But most would not know what it means.

 

And some things to explain. 

Alternate is really a retreat in nature. 

Bike alternative to hospital.

Bike tour, 50 miles / day/ fully loaded touring. 

Loaded means carrying camping gear with you, instead of a SAG wagon....

 

Would Mental Health First Aid training solve some of this?

Imagine being on the receiving side of

"Hello, can you talk?"

"Are you breathing?"

"Want help?"

 

Oh, yeah, this is probably the first time you've heard of all

this, and it sounds crazy, really really crazy, but people

 don't believe what I go through, anyway, so I usually don't say anything...

 

But with MH people, we are likely to be victims. 

And who would believe us anyway?

 

 

 

Conclusion

Or similar

 

Discussion

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Page History

20090308 Jerry

• Jerry created this page to say what happened, so that it might not happen again...

 

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